Humorous and Funny Love Quotes, Funny quotes about Love and Sayings about love that are funny, The funny quotes and sayings given here are the best. Here is best famous funny quotes and love quotes collection. You will find all types of funny love quotes. Here are some really funny love quotes from famous authors. These quotes will leave you smiling.
I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of.
– Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
– Agatha Christie
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.
– Woody Allen
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
– Dorothy Parker
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Roumania.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.
– Albert Einstein
Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments.
-Hellfire Hotchkiss
One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base metal; she will not even bite it
to see if it is good; all she notices is the size of it, not the quality.
Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.
– Adrienne Gusoff
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
-Louis De Bernieres
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
Love is like a friendship caught on fire: In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.
-Bruce Lee
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’ re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU… The one who turns to his friends and says, ‘that’s her’.
True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart.
-Honore de Balzac
Women marry men hoping they will change.
– Albert Einstein
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed.
Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way.
By the time you swear you’re his,
– Dorothy Parker
Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is infinite, undying -
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
– Fran Lebowitz
Selected collection of most funny and short love quotes and sayings.
You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.
– Melanie Clark
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
– Cecilia Egan
Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.
– Fulton J. Sheen
A light heart lives long.
– William Shakespeare
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
– Agatha Christie
Never go to bed mad — stay up and fight.
– Phyllis Diller
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.
– H.L. Mencken
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
– Brendan Francis
Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
– Woody Allen
All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.
- Shelley Winters
True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.
- Rod Boschim
Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
– Albert Einstein
No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill that comes along.
– Joyce Brothers
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
It is impossible to love and be wise.
– Francis Bacon
The four most important words in any marriage…”I’ll do the dishes.
- Bacon Carlyle
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
– Joan Crawford
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
– Joan Rivers
The only people who make love all the time are liars.
– Louis Jordan
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
– Samuel Johnson
You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty.
– Rita Rudner
A love without indiscretion is no lover at all.
– Thomas Hardy
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
– Woody Allen
Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.
– Oscar Wilde
Men aren’t necessities, they’re luxuries.
– Cher
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
– Woody Allen
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
– Bette Midler
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.
– Lily Tomlin
It’s been so long since I made love, I can’t even remember who gets tied up.
– Joan Rivers
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.
– Natalie Wood
Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?
– Rita Rudner
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.
– Henry Kissinger
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.
– Woody Allen
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
– Katharine Hepburn
Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity.
– Friedrich Nietzsche
Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions.
– Tommy Dewar
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
– Agatha Christie
When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.
– Mark Kissinger
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
– Erma Bombeck
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
– George Carlin
The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What… does a woman want?”
– Freud
Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
– Somerset Maugham
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
– Albert Einstein
Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
– George Kissinger
Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.
– Mark Twain
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.
– Cher
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
– Walt Disney
Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.
– Adrienne Gusoff
Men only have two faults….What they do, and what they say!
– Cecilia Egan
I’m always looking for meaningful one night stands.
– Dudley Moore
Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.
– Glenn Beck
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
– Woody Allen
When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you. And she never did.
– James Fineous McBride
Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.
– Sandra J. Dykes
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.
– Melanie Griffith
